“I got this for Christmas because I always lose my keys, but now I can’t find my keys to put it on the keychain.”

“In Denmark, a flat-screen TV set was delivered to the right street and house number and was left under pouring rain. But the town was wrong. The house hadn’t been built yet.”

“So yesterday, as I was messing around with USB sticks to install Windows, I lost the cap of a red USB. I don’t know how it ended up here but I found it today in the pasta dish I made yesterday night, almost perfectly disguised as a piece of red pepper.”

“My wife left the sunscreen outside last weekend.”

“I reached for a cream on the highest shelf of the medicine cabinet and tipped the entire shelf into the sink. The shaving cream exploded and cracked the sink basin. I sliced my finger on the crack while cleaning this up. The cream was in another room.”

“I paid $100 for a biometric safe on Amazon.”

“I spent 10 minutes looking for the drip tray for the grill after I turned it on.”

“Today my girlfriend is 23.”

“Even though there were parking spots closer to my apartment, I chose to park further away and let someone else get a better spot. This is how the universe thanked me.”

“In Idaho, we only have one highway that connects the north and the south. We’re on day 7 of this...”

“The medication for back pain is on the lowest shelf.”

“I got this as my fortune a few days after I got diagnosed with alopecia areata (bald spots).”

“I prepaid for a year’s worth of car washes to save a few bucks.”

“It was 65°F yesterday. Today we’re getting 5 inches of snow. We live in Minnesota.”

“I locked my keys in the truck.”

“I saved for months, traveled over 5,000 miles, and took an 11-hour flight. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco, CA.”

“I’m watching a documentary about fake artwork, then they show the book they were published in, which happens to be the book I’m using to write my dissertation (I’m halfway through writing it already).”

“I dropped my dry cleaning off in an old Aldi bag last week. I picked it up today, and my wife couldn’t stop laughing at me.”